Wikipedia is the Encyclopedia OF THE GODS

by Katie

Mikey and I had one of our trademark Pointless, Psuedo-Philosophical Conversations (PPCs) today, because I asked him if wool was vegan. (It isn’t.) Then I wanted to know how vegans keep warm and stylish, seeing as they can’t wear leather, wool, fur, or silk. This lead to wondering if radical, anti-consumption eco-vegans would buy or steal secondhand wool to save it from rotting in a landfill, and if vegans oppose using oil since it is made from dinosaurs.

So many questions to ponder! Additionally, if you are vegan and a radical environmentalist, Mike wants to know if you wear polyester, which is made entirely from chemicals in a lab (like vegetables and dancers will be in the near future). Having questioned veganism to a Margaret Atwood depth, I had to pursue the history of polyester further!

When you hit that glorious Wikipedia page, polyester doesn’t sound that exciting. They use boring words like “polymers” and “increased wrinkle resistance.” Naturally, I skipped right to the meat of the article: HEALTH EFFECTS.

Like a single set of footprints in the newly fallen snow, this sentence was all there was to see:

“A 1993 study found that polyester underwear reduced sperm count and sperm motility in male dogs.”

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I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS!

1. Why were the dogs wearing underwear?
2. Where are the pictures?????????

Technically, that’s only two, but they’re the biggies. (“Does this translate AT ALL to human subjects” doesn’t even need to be asked. Of course it does! Dogs are just like little people, except instead of play fetch, people watch Bravo, and instead of sniff their own butts, people bring guns to shopping malls. Wait…)

In all seriousness, does science expect me to IMAGINE what this looks like? OK THEN……

Art school scholarships, plz.

(Fun fact: I just want to smoosh the wrinkles on shar pei puppies FOREVER. Also, drawing one is like drawing a CLOUD. Dawwwwwwwwwwwww.)

Sheep photo by Ben on Flickr.