Dear God, Why Does This Exist?

by Michael

Having two roommates who work in the music industry, I am privy to certain perks, including getting the Andrew W.K. album, all three Modest Mouse EPs, and No One’s First and You’re Next for free. But sometimes they get turds so shiny, I have to share them with the world.

Case in point: Ben Folds Presents University A Capella.

Let me just start by saying this plain and clear: before listening to this album, I did not hate a capella. In fact, some of my best friends sing a capella. Also, Psych recently instilled a slight love for acapella. After listening to this album, though, I might have become the type of guy who beats up people that sing a capella.

Dear God, this album sucks.  It has absolutely no reason to exist. Every song is just a dirge, and the singers overpower each other as they struggle to make the sound of bass and drums with their voices (they fail miserably). Even fast forwarding to the songs Ben Folds himself sings on yields no return. There isn’t even an ironic value to it. IT HURTS TO LISTEN TO THIS.

What is most confusing and painful, though, is the song selection. Is it what Ben Folds considers a best-of? If so, why is there a song written by Darren Jessee on there (“Magic“) as well as songs from his newest album, which is the definition of crap (“You Don’t Know Me” and “Effington“). Clearly, it is not a “what songs sound best done by a capella groups” album. My guess is, Ben just threw a rock at a wall, and then made up a track list, which would explain why half the songs on the album are from Whatever and Ever Amen or Rockin’ the Suburbs.

Here is a little taste so you don’t think I am being overly harsh:

(Do ya think that kid’s arm is in sling from getting beaten up singing Acapella?  I do)

Allow me to close this post with a simple plea to Mr. Folds:

Ben, STOP MAKING MUSIC. You were one of the greatest artists of the 90′s, and parlayed that into moderate success in the early 2000′s, but it’s not panning out. Songs For Silverman would have been a great way to conclude your career, not at a high point, but not a low point either. Next to Normal on the other hand, has ruined your entire catalog for me. I MISS LISTENING TO YOUR GOOD SONGS, BUT I CAN’T DO IT ANYMORE. So Ben, please just retire or tour playing old music. You will still be able to sell out stadiums, maybe even more than if you keep making crap.