An Ode to the Multi-Instrumentalist

by Katie

If I could be anyone in a band, I’d want to be that girl who stands off to the side to sing backing vocals and playing any number of different instruments throughout the show. Seriously. No one else in the band has as much going for them as that player.

Lead singer? Puh-leeze. Everyone’s always saying they’re in love with you, and trying to make out with you. Ok, maybe the making out thing isn’t so bad. But there’s all that pressure to, like, actually have a nice voice. That’s not for me! There are people I’ve known for years who’ve never heard me sing, and we’d all like to keep it that way.

Drums? Speaking from my own limited experience, playing the drums is hard as hell. Try moving all of your limbs at slightly different, but still rhythmic times, hot shot. Plus, I don’t think you get jacked playing the drums. If I’m putting that much physical effort into something, I want to look like Dara Torres at the end. (I always want to look like Dara Torres, but I’m realistic.)

Bass? Unless you are Olivia Mancini in the Washington Social Club, the bassist gets no respect. “That thing’s only got 4 strings!” and the like. It’s also very easy to dance badly while playing the bass. Tread lightly.

Lead Guitar? I saw an episode of some horror show on Fox years ago, and this selfish guitar player had to challenge Satan at the guitar or he would go to hell. (I’m confident this was an actual TV show, and not a Tenacious D song.) Anyway, when you challenge Satan, there’s no way you’re gonna win; that’s not why I don’t want to play lead guitar. As the character continued to rock, each string on his guitar snapped, and by the end his hands were a bloody mess and he only had one string and he totally kept shredding until it snapped and killed him, or something. I wasn’t sure if that killed him, or the devil. But images of snapping strings slashing my hands and arms open haunts me, even though I’ve had strings break on my guitar and come away unscathed.

Yes, the multi-instrumentalist has it all. They’re cute in a modest way, they sing harmonies which are my favorites, and they get to stand in a dark corner of the stage. Most importantly, they get to dabble in many instruments. It’s like my job now, only instead of guitar, keys, and drums, I rock Microsoft Word, Dreamweaver, and our stupid f**king wiki software. Tow-may-to, tow-mah-to, am I right?

Here is my current favorite multi-instrumentalist. This used to be a “list” but I felt that there were too many white dudes; I’d much rather hear others’ suggestions.

Danielle, of Jenny Lewis’s band

Holy crap.

And my other favorite has to be the king of all one-man-bands… Bert!