You Might Be Dating a Hipster

Given recent events in the life of one I can only describe as my Partner in Crime, I thought I’d help out the masses. Sometimes you start dating someone you think is a hipster. It’s cool. No need to be ashamed. Maybe you want to know if they are cool enough/too cool to meet your friends. But what if they don’t identify as a hipster? How can you be sure? I present to you the definitive list. 7 ways to tell you if you are dating a hipster. (This list also doubles as a self-check, readers. I got your backs!)

7. Under 40, has full beard. I will allow that some guys look better with facial hair. The weak-chinned, the strong-chinned, the baby-faced, etc. But I’ve yet to see a young dude rocking a full beard who doesn’t also have a MacBook, a few pairs of skinny jeans, or an ongoing art project.

6. Tattoos that defy explanation. Examples include schooners, potatoes, extinct animals, animals that never even existed.

5. Lived in the Mission, the Village, Brooklyn, Portland, or Austin. These places are known hipster enclaves. My friend from high school thinks I should move to Austin, despite my general disdain for Texas. If she weren’t leaving for law school, I’d go fricking visit at least!

4. Comments on BYT. This could have been “reads BYT” but, I mean, it takes that extra oomf to engage in an ambivalent, nonspecific online disagreement with someone equally apathetic and vague.

3. Has a useless liberal arts degree from a liberal arts school. I actually hated psychology students in college, because they seemed to think their course of study was more legitimate than Women’s Studies. Unless you plan to be a psychologist, I don’t think your degree will be relevant to your job! Bonus points for anyone who followed through on a philosophy degree.

2. PBR is the cheap beer of choice. And it’s not even happy hour! Inexplicably, when I came home the other day, there was an empty case of PBR in front of my house. Explanation has not been forthcoming, but I should be relieved it’s not a mattress, like down the street.

1. Has been posted on Look At This Fucking Hipster. Dead giveaway.

Let’s see… am I a hipster?

7 yes
6 I can barely decide on a haircut
5 someday
4 Sometimes, when they’re giving away tickets
3 Absolutely
2 Not a beer girl
1 Guilty

Ok, so that’s not me in #1. By my own tally, I’m a total hipster! I can die happy now. But what about you?????? Are you or someone you love a hipster in denial? Just own it, y’all.

(image from Married to the Sea)